If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
