i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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