My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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