The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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