this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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