You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
