i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize