Your mouth is God's brothel.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
