At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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