ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
