two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
