I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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