i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
