My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
