I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
