Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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