Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
