Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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