i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
