he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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