When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
