my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
