He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
