I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
They took my balls.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
