The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
