She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
