I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
