I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
