I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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