i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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