Fine. I'll sleep in my office
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
