I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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