Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
