look no pants
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
They have beer where we have blood.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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