he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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