1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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