Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
