I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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