he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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