I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
