when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
