Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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