the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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