Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
