I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
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I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
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I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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