while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
