He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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