Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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