I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
