So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
