And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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