EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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