From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
