I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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