Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
