Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
