All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
