Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
