just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
