I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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