Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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