The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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