I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I FOUND THE LEGS
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
