Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
