I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
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You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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