but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
