actually, I'm a sock model
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
