hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
