either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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