batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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