Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
