Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
There's always time for handjobs
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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