Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
