Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
