My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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