he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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