so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
