Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
