What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
