How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Randomize
