You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
