My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
